But before I say goodbye let me leave you with a two things.
First: Hat Rabbit Yellow
--Morrison Out (for good)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Hat Rabbit Yellow Has Moved
What an odd statement. We've moved? Nothing Moved. I just don't post here anymore. So perhaps a more accurate statement is I don't care about this section of the shared hard drive anymore. Not that I never did. Because we had some good times. But those times are gone. And better new times are on the way.
But before I say goodbye let me leave you with a two things.
First: Hat Rabbit Yellow
Second: This
--Morrison Out (for good)
But before I say goodbye let me leave you with a two things.
First: Hat Rabbit Yellow
--Morrison Out (for good)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
National Doughnut Day
Morrison here,
Everybody knows that a Burrow Owl lives in a whole in the ground and everybody knows that tomorrow is National Doughnut Day. Unless you didn't. Anyways I wanted to make sure that everybody knew that tomorrow you are supposed to be able to go to your local bakery and they are required to give you--at a minimum--1 free doughnut.
I, in my typical due-diligence, am drawing up a tour map. I'll be starting at the East Gate Albertsons, shooting down Broadway to the new Safeway store, angling back and south to The Downtown Bakery and then to Food Farm, cutting back over to LPO (ok, they don't have doughnuts, but I'm gonna need coffee at some point!), hooking across to Bernice's, at which point I'll lay down some rubber on Higgins all the way around the horn, hitting Patty Creek Market and the second Albertsons (in your face Albertsons!), cutting back up and all the way over to the second Safeway (in your...ah forget it), skipping over to Walmart (no shame) and busting out onto Reserve to snatch up some sugary goodness from Rouseaurs (I can never spell their name). Down Reserve leads us all the way to no-persons land and our second Walmart stop, then a third Albertsons (crazy dance) and Target (we need TP). And with one more stop to make a bakers dozen I will slowly coast into the gas station on the corner of Broadway and Toole.
It's going to be a great time and my fellow employee's are going to love me for it. I suggest you take some time to collect free doughnuts tomorrow as well. After all, they went to all the trouble of having the day. The least you could do is participate.
Morrison out.
Everybody knows that a Burrow Owl lives in a whole in the ground and everybody knows that tomorrow is National Doughnut Day. Unless you didn't. Anyways I wanted to make sure that everybody knew that tomorrow you are supposed to be able to go to your local bakery and they are required to give you--at a minimum--1 free doughnut.
I, in my typical due-diligence, am drawing up a tour map. I'll be starting at the East Gate Albertsons, shooting down Broadway to the new Safeway store, angling back and south to The Downtown Bakery and then to Food Farm, cutting back over to LPO (ok, they don't have doughnuts, but I'm gonna need coffee at some point!), hooking across to Bernice's, at which point I'll lay down some rubber on Higgins all the way around the horn, hitting Patty Creek Market and the second Albertsons (in your face Albertsons!), cutting back up and all the way over to the second Safeway (in your...ah forget it), skipping over to Walmart (no shame) and busting out onto Reserve to snatch up some sugary goodness from Rouseaurs (I can never spell their name). Down Reserve leads us all the way to no-persons land and our second Walmart stop, then a third Albertsons (crazy dance) and Target (we need TP). And with one more stop to make a bakers dozen I will slowly coast into the gas station on the corner of Broadway and Toole.
It's going to be a great time and my fellow employee's are going to love me for it. I suggest you take some time to collect free doughnuts tomorrow as well. After all, they went to all the trouble of having the day. The least you could do is participate.
Or you could just save gas and buy one of these Mini Doughnut Maker
but what fun is that?
but what fun is that?Morrison out.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The World is a Vampire Riding a Peace Train
Morrison here,
The world is a vampire. I didn't make this up, the guy from that Halloween band did. Who knows who he stole it from. Regardless, he was pretty much right on. And the harder I try to shed a little sunshine on the thin, pale face of this raging monster we call the world, the more I want to draw the shades, nail the doors shut, hide out in the basement with a Humvee full of canned goods and the remaining Zelazny novels I've been saving to read while waiting nervously for the credits to roll. Sound grim? Maybe.
But, maybe not. Maybe its just reality. Maybe the world wasn't made to shed light on. Maybe the population isn't supposed to have a fair shake. Maybe...maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe the world isn't a vampire at all. Maybe I am.
Maybe, I'm asking too much. Whoops, lets try that again. Maybe, I'm asking too much. Shoot, one more time. Maybe, I'm asking too much. OK, close enough. Maybe I'm demanding too much from the world. It could be after all. I did get a liberal education and we all know that liberals are purely hell bent on saving the world! Or at least the people on the world. I always considered myself a bit of a Locke but I'm starting to wonder if I'm more of a Hobbe's. Or Perhaps it's just gas.
Regardless, I believe its time for me to think smaller. To close my mind to outside influences and to draw more power into my inner circle. The one that really matters. The one I really care about. Because lets face it. When the power goes out. None of you even exist.
Morrison out.
The world is a vampire. I didn't make this up, the guy from that Halloween band did. Who knows who he stole it from. Regardless, he was pretty much right on. And the harder I try to shed a little sunshine on the thin, pale face of this raging monster we call the world, the more I want to draw the shades, nail the doors shut, hide out in the basement with a Humvee full of canned goods and the remaining Zelazny novels I've been saving to read while waiting nervously for the credits to roll. Sound grim? Maybe.
But, maybe not. Maybe its just reality. Maybe the world wasn't made to shed light on. Maybe the population isn't supposed to have a fair shake. Maybe...maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe the world isn't a vampire at all. Maybe I am.
Maybe, I'm asking too much. Whoops, lets try that again. Maybe, I'm asking too much. Shoot, one more time. Maybe, I'm asking too much. OK, close enough. Maybe I'm demanding too much from the world. It could be after all. I did get a liberal education and we all know that liberals are purely hell bent on saving the world! Or at least the people on the world. I always considered myself a bit of a Locke but I'm starting to wonder if I'm more of a Hobbe's. Or Perhaps it's just gas.
Regardless, I believe its time for me to think smaller. To close my mind to outside influences and to draw more power into my inner circle. The one that really matters. The one I really care about. Because lets face it. When the power goes out. None of you even exist.
Morrison out.
Monday, March 8, 2010
I Buy all my Stay-Brite Silver Bearing Solder at Amazon.
Morrison here,
I've been obsessed with Amazon.com lately. And by lately I mean the last 6 months. You see, my boss is addicted to Amazon.com. He orders nearly everything at Amazon. This caused me to take off into the interworld to see what could be seen. And after much searching I'm thinking that shopping at Amazon might be the smartest thing an impulse shopper can do. Because you can save a ton of money on Amazon. You don't believe me? Then check out this package of HA Sta-brite 1/8" silver bearing solder. It retails for $149,998.50! Yours for only $125,999.00!
You: What?!
Me: Solder.
You: How Much?
Me: $125,999.
You: $125,999 (exasperated)
Me: Yeah, and its a steal because your saving nearly $25,000!
You: I don't believe it.
Me: Believe it
Now, I know what your thinking.
You: Yeah, sure. They have really great prices on solder, but what about crystal chandeliers? I bet they don't have decent prices on crystal chandeliers.
Me: Boosh!
You: That was just pure dumb luck. Let's see, I bet they don't have decent prices on a Justrite Yellow Gator Outdoor Spill Containment Caddy for a 30 or 55 Gallon Drum!
Me: Only $696,236.60 and I'm pretty sure they will deliver it for free!
You: Looking around the room for inspiration..oh, oh (because making those sounds will help?) how about a Core Cut Curb Cutting Rider Saw? No way they have that.
Me: Wroooooooong. (nice illiteration though)
You: (Pacing the room for a few moments rubbing your hands together, until slowly you mutter) How about an Anchor Height Adjustable Free-Standing Ladder Access System!
Me:(smiling) $43,580.60--would you like that with or without the ladder?
You: (mouth agap)
Me: Give up yet?
You: Not even close (clenching fists).
You: (slowly circling the room) Ok, How about an LED Bench?
Me: A what:
You: (you stop in mid-step, your eyes widen, a smile graces your face) AN LED BENCH!
Me: Hrmmm.
You: They don't have one! (triumphant)
Me: Wait, do you mean the never before seen item that features 288 white LEDs inside, emitting light on both sides. The one that is an actual bench to sit on, not a light sculpture. You mean the one designed by Ingo Maurer, made in Germany with a height: of 15 3/4" (40 cm), a Width of 19 5/8" (50 cm) and a Length of 78 7/8" (200 cm) made of laminated glass?
You: (eyes starting to well up) Do...they...have...that? (meakly)
Me:(softly, almost apologetic) Yes, yes they do.
Me: (pause)
You: (staring at me)
Me: Look, maybe we should just...
You: A Milwaukee 8925 15 Gallon 1-1/3 Horsepower Blower Wet/Dry Vacuum!?
Me: Yes
You: A JW Fishers SeaLion ROV!!?
Me: Yep
You: A Golden King DPS Plus Metal Detector!!!?
Me: Um, yup
You: A Velocity Micro Edge Lx555 Black Desktop PC!!!!?
Me: Yes, but I hear it didn't get a very good review.
You: A Queen Anne Cast Iron Table Base!!!!!?
Me: (starting to feel sorry this conversation started) Yes, for $1,764,704.12. Shipping's about 4 grand
You: (huffing and puffing) How about an Intercomp 16065 MS450 Mining Scale for loads up to 750,000 lbs!!!!!!?
Me: Yes, (getting nervous) Hey, how about we just forget...
You: No! Do they have a...
Random guy sub one: Hey! Are you guys done in there I really have to go.
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry. (flushing sound-coming out of the stall) Sorry (to random guy sub one)
You: This isn't over Morrision. I can't even go back to work now.I'm going to get a Whiskey (your voice trails as you leave through the door).
Me: Hrmmm....Well how do you like that? Amazon doesn't sell whiskey.
Morrison out
I've been obsessed with Amazon.com lately. And by lately I mean the last 6 months. You see, my boss is addicted to Amazon.com. He orders nearly everything at Amazon. This caused me to take off into the interworld to see what could be seen. And after much searching I'm thinking that shopping at Amazon might be the smartest thing an impulse shopper can do. Because you can save a ton of money on Amazon. You don't believe me? Then check out this package of HA Sta-brite 1/8" silver bearing solder. It retails for $149,998.50! Yours for only $125,999.00!
You: What?!
Me: Solder.
You: How Much?
Me: $125,999.
You: $125,999 (exasperated)
Me: Yeah, and its a steal because your saving nearly $25,000!
You: I don't believe it.
Me: Believe it
Now, I know what your thinking.
You: Yeah, sure. They have really great prices on solder, but what about crystal chandeliers? I bet they don't have decent prices on crystal chandeliers.
Me: Boosh!
You: That was just pure dumb luck. Let's see, I bet they don't have decent prices on a Justrite Yellow Gator Outdoor Spill Containment Caddy for a 30 or 55 Gallon Drum!
Me: Only $696,236.60 and I'm pretty sure they will deliver it for free!
You: Looking around the room for inspiration..oh, oh (because making those sounds will help?) how about a Core Cut Curb Cutting Rider Saw? No way they have that.
Me: Wroooooooong. (nice illiteration though)
You: (Pacing the room for a few moments rubbing your hands together, until slowly you mutter) How about an Anchor Height Adjustable Free-Standing Ladder Access System!
Me:(smiling) $43,580.60--would you like that with or without the ladder?
You: (mouth agap)
Me: Give up yet?
You: Not even close (clenching fists).
You: (slowly circling the room) Ok, How about an LED Bench?
Me: A what:
You: (you stop in mid-step, your eyes widen, a smile graces your face) AN LED BENCH!
Me: Hrmmm.
You: They don't have one! (triumphant)
Me: Wait, do you mean the never before seen item that features 288 white LEDs inside, emitting light on both sides. The one that is an actual bench to sit on, not a light sculpture. You mean the one designed by Ingo Maurer, made in Germany with a height: of 15 3/4" (40 cm), a Width of 19 5/8" (50 cm) and a Length of 78 7/8" (200 cm) made of laminated glass?
You: (eyes starting to well up) Do...they...have...that? (meakly)
Me:(softly, almost apologetic) Yes, yes they do.
Me: (pause)
You: (staring at me)
Me: Look, maybe we should just...
You: A Milwaukee 8925 15 Gallon 1-1/3 Horsepower Blower Wet/Dry Vacuum!?
Me: Yes
You: A JW Fishers SeaLion ROV!!?
Me: Yep
You: A Golden King DPS Plus Metal Detector!!!?
Me: Um, yup
You: A Velocity Micro Edge Lx555 Black Desktop PC!!!!?
Me: Yes, but I hear it didn't get a very good review.
You: A Queen Anne Cast Iron Table Base!!!!!?
Me: (starting to feel sorry this conversation started) Yes, for $1,764,704.12. Shipping's about 4 grand
You: (huffing and puffing) How about an Intercomp 16065 MS450 Mining Scale for loads up to 750,000 lbs!!!!!!?
Me: Yes, (getting nervous) Hey, how about we just forget...
You: No! Do they have a...
Random guy sub one: Hey! Are you guys done in there I really have to go.
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry. (flushing sound-coming out of the stall) Sorry (to random guy sub one)
You: This isn't over Morrision. I can't even go back to work now.I'm going to get a Whiskey (your voice trails as you leave through the door).
Me: Hrmmm....Well how do you like that? Amazon doesn't sell whiskey.
Morrison out
Friday, March 5, 2010
Smurfy New Movie
La, La, La, La, La...Morrison here,
People who were kids in the eighties I have an announcement for you. They are making a movie about Smurfs. Who is they? I don't know and I'm too lazy to look it up. And would you really care anyways? Nobody pays attention to who MAKES the movies, we only care about who is IN the movie. Stanley Kubrick could make the damn Smurf Movie, that still wouldn't stop 98 percent of the people from exiting the theater--ignoring the credits--with popcorn stained grins, squinting against the orange sun while muttering phrases like, "I liked that part where" or "that was so funny when" or "I can't believe that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel!?" Oh, did I mention that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel?
Ok, Ok, don't get your mushrooms in a bunch, he hasn't really been cast as Gargamel...officially. But some reports do say that the movie will be part live action, part animation. And who better to have as the hapless, evil wizard than Dr. Horrible himself (Neil Patrick they love you!). In addition to Mr. Patrick playing Gargamel (not official), four of the main voice cast members have been revealed, as well as a rough draft of a smurf from the film.
Morrision Out.
People who were kids in the eighties I have an announcement for you. They are making a movie about Smurfs. Who is they? I don't know and I'm too lazy to look it up. And would you really care anyways? Nobody pays attention to who MAKES the movies, we only care about who is IN the movie. Stanley Kubrick could make the damn Smurf Movie, that still wouldn't stop 98 percent of the people from exiting the theater--ignoring the credits--with popcorn stained grins, squinting against the orange sun while muttering phrases like, "I liked that part where" or "that was so funny when" or "I can't believe that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel!?" Oh, did I mention that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel?
Ok, Ok, don't get your mushrooms in a bunch, he hasn't really been cast as Gargamel...officially. But some reports do say that the movie will be part live action, part animation. And who better to have as the hapless, evil wizard than Dr. Horrible himself (Neil Patrick they love you!). In addition to Mr. Patrick playing Gargamel (not official), four of the main voice cast members have been revealed, as well as a rough draft of a smurf from the film.
Jonathan Winters, George Lopez, Katy Perry and Alan Cumming will voice Papa Smurf, Grouchy Smurf, Smurfette, and Gusty Smurf respectfully. Fans of the 80’s Smurfs series will appreciate Winters coming back to the smufs, as he voiced multiple characters on the long-running Hanna-Barbera series.Um, Gusty Smurf? I'm sorry, I know I was probably in a fruit loops induced coma most of the time I was watching the Smurfs, but I don't remember Gusty Smurf. But, I'm not really sure who Alan Cumming is either so that should work out just fine. Smurfs. Whats next. A movie about those Smurfing ripoff, little underwater bastards that lived in sea-shells?
Morrision Out.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Too Much Sex for PETA
Morrison here,
Um Huh, you read that correctly. And yes, this is a real ad, not a lame SNL half ass attempt at comedy (yikes that was redundant). It seems that PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is using Mr. Woods' extramarital affair(s) as an opportunity to remind us that Bob Barker no longer hosts the Price is Right. And here I was almost over it. Damn you PETA!
I like the message. And I don't mind exploiting Tigers fame and infidelity to market an idea. But, for some reason, unlike chocolate and peanut butter, these are not two tastes that taste great together. There is something about this combo that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. (insert joke here).
It does remind me of this though.
Morrision out.
Um Huh, you read that correctly. And yes, this is a real ad, not a lame SNL half ass attempt at comedy (yikes that was redundant). It seems that PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is using Mr. Woods' extramarital affair(s) as an opportunity to remind us that Bob Barker no longer hosts the Price is Right. And here I was almost over it. Damn you PETA!
I like the message. And I don't mind exploiting Tigers fame and infidelity to market an idea. But, for some reason, unlike chocolate and peanut butter, these are not two tastes that taste great together. There is something about this combo that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. (insert joke here).
It does remind me of this though.
Morrision out.
Monday, February 8, 2010
DartCalc for Dart Lovers
A quick post about an amazing iphone application that will revolutionize the way you score darts. Actually, not that many people play darts in the US. So, I guess you actually need to play darts in order to have a use for this program. And you need to have an iphone and those things are super expensive. And you need to have the time to play darts casually in a bar. And if you do, you probably don't have kids or a very stable home life. So, to sum up, if you are really rich, have an unstable home life and play darts I HAVE THE IPHONE APPLICATION FOR YOU!
This is the single greatest dart scoring application ever, not just the single greatest dart scoring application on the iphone. It just happens to be on the iphone. You think I'm joking. Check it out. Marvel! Marvel. Oh. Awe!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Earlier this morning...
In the bakery department of a grocery store.
Bakery Worker: Middle aged women, long brown hair in tight bun on top of head—wrapped in netting. Long face, dark eyes. Short. Wearing a white apron with a green and yellow flowered shirt underneath. Not wearing a smile. Estimation: Veteran production baker with more experience than the rest of the 20-somethings working behind her combined. Has a Precious Moments collection worth more than your car.
Young Women Customer: Hip, late 20’s, brown wool skirt with red leggings and Uggs. Oversized sweater to match. Stocking cap with brim pulled tight around the ears. Square glasses and a bright smile that says life is good. Estimation: Can make any combination of clothing look good and knows it. Is dating a business major who constantly quotes Jerry McQuire and thinks that buying stocks is foreplay.
Innocent Bystander: Man, late 40’s, average in all ways. Estimation: People always start to tell him he looks like someone, but then they forget who.
YWC: Good Morning! (Sing-song)
BW: Can I help you? (Monotone)
YWC: Yes, I need a cake.
BW: Ok, (Moving over to a different part of the counter and grabbing a three ring binder) here’s the cakes we make. (Pushing it across the counter).
YWC: (Not looking at the book at all) I need a bachelorette’s cake, my best friend is getting married in two weeks and I’m planning a big party for her.
BW: We can make bachelorette cakes. (Opening the three ring binder for the YWC)
YWC: Do you make custom orders?
BW: Yes, we can make custom cakes (finding the page and tapping it with her index finger) Here is a good place to start with prices and design. I’ll be right back. (Walks away towards a beeping)
YWC: (Looking over the book as her smile fades)
BW: (Silences a beeping and returns to counter)
YWC: Um, do you do cherry cakes?
BW: Cherry cake?
YWC: Yeah, Cherry.
BW: Now do you mean Cherry cake or cherry filling or cherry frosting or….
YWC: Cherry cake…or filling maybe?
BW: We don’t make cherry cake or cherry filling.
YWC: Oh..well maybe…
BW: We can do a cherry frosting.
YWC: Can you do a cream cheese frosting.
BW: Yes, we can do cream cheese or butter.
YWC: Cream cheese, but not cherry. I ‘d rather have a chocolate frosting. I was hoping to do a cherry cake with a chocolate frosting.
BW: We don’t make cherry cake.
YWC: (nodding) What flavors do you have?
BW: (Pointing to the book—looking annoyed) Chocolate, vanilla, pistachio and lemon…and carrot.
YWC: Wow, that’s odd, you make pistachio, but not cherry.
BW: (stares)
YWC: (Mulling over the choices)Oh! (Remembering) can you put a layer of pudding in-between two layers of cake?
BW: Yes
YWC: Well then, I think I have an idea. I’d like vanilla cake with a layer of chocolate pudding in the middle and chocolate cream cheese frosting.
BW: (Scribbling), What size?
YWC: There will be 20 people approximately, what size cake would that be?
BW: (pointing to the binder again) I’d get a 16 inch round or an 8 by 10 square, unless you want to have leftovers?
YWC: Leftovers?
BW: Lot’s of people like to plan to have leftovers.
YWC: I don’t want to have leftovers.
IB: I like leftovers. ( Calls a voice from behind them)
BW and YWC: (turning and staring at a man holding a loaf of bread)
IB: Sorry (Sheepishly putting the bread in his cart and slowly rolling away)
YWC: No leftovers.(turning back towards the BW) I’d like the 8 by 10.
BW: Ok, What do you want on top of the cake?
YWC: You mean design-wise?
BW: Yes.
YWC: Well, (looking around left and right and leaning in)you do custom orders right?
BW: I’m not putting a penis on your cake. (Monotone)
YWC: (Stunned) I…
BW: You want me to put a penis on your cake and I’m not going to do it.
YWC: I…actually yes, I…
BW: Thought it would be hilarious to put a penis on a cake for your friend’s bachelorette party?
YWC: It was just an idea…
BW: That you and your friends had one night while sipping cranberry daiquiri’s in your hot tub?
YWC: (Starting to get upset) NO! Well… yes, but…
BW: I’m not putting a penis on your cake.
YWC: Why not?
BW: Listen cherry, if I had to make a penis cake every time one you young 20-somethings got married I’d be up to my neck in frosted privates. I work for a living and I don’t need that kind of daily stress. If I wanted to draw nudes I’d of gotten a degree in painting. I’m a baker, not Delphin Enjolras. Now take a look at this book you like to ignore so much and pick a nice quaint design that expresses how damn happy you are for your best (with air-quotes and scrunched up face) friend. Why does your generation feel the need to whip out their ya-ya’s every-time they want to commemorate an occasion?
YWC: (Ignoring the question) Now you wait a minute. If you don’t want to do it then I’ll have someone else do it…(Exasperated)
BW: (Back to monotone)I’m the boss here cherry. You’re not getting a penis on your cake.
YWC: What ever happen to the customers always right and your way right away?
BW: Well, let me tell you that after 21 years of customer service, that the customer is seldom right and this is not McDonalds.
IB: Burger King (Calls a soft voice from behind them)
YWC and BW: (Turning and staring at the same man as before who now holds a baguette)
YWC: What?
IB: Your way right away is the Burger King slogan, not McDonalds’.
YWC and BW: (Staring)
IB: Sorry (He puts the baguette in his cart and slowly rolls away.)
YWC: (turning back to the BW) Well if you don’t want to make the cake, I’ll go somewhere else.
BW: That’s your choice.
YWC: Fine
BW: Fine
YWC: (Flustered, storms off)
BW: (After watching the YWC leave, turn’s to a young man who is looking at cakes in the display case.) Can I help you?
Man: Yes, Do you make custom cakes for Bachelor parties?
Bakery Worker: Middle aged women, long brown hair in tight bun on top of head—wrapped in netting. Long face, dark eyes. Short. Wearing a white apron with a green and yellow flowered shirt underneath. Not wearing a smile. Estimation: Veteran production baker with more experience than the rest of the 20-somethings working behind her combined. Has a Precious Moments collection worth more than your car.
Young Women Customer: Hip, late 20’s, brown wool skirt with red leggings and Uggs. Oversized sweater to match. Stocking cap with brim pulled tight around the ears. Square glasses and a bright smile that says life is good. Estimation: Can make any combination of clothing look good and knows it. Is dating a business major who constantly quotes Jerry McQuire and thinks that buying stocks is foreplay.
Innocent Bystander: Man, late 40’s, average in all ways. Estimation: People always start to tell him he looks like someone, but then they forget who.
YWC: Good Morning! (Sing-song)
BW: Can I help you? (Monotone)
YWC: Yes, I need a cake.
BW: Ok, (Moving over to a different part of the counter and grabbing a three ring binder) here’s the cakes we make. (Pushing it across the counter).
YWC: (Not looking at the book at all) I need a bachelorette’s cake, my best friend is getting married in two weeks and I’m planning a big party for her.
BW: We can make bachelorette cakes. (Opening the three ring binder for the YWC)
YWC: Do you make custom orders?
BW: Yes, we can make custom cakes (finding the page and tapping it with her index finger) Here is a good place to start with prices and design. I’ll be right back. (Walks away towards a beeping)
YWC: (Looking over the book as her smile fades)
BW: (Silences a beeping and returns to counter)
YWC: Um, do you do cherry cakes?
BW: Cherry cake?
YWC: Yeah, Cherry.
BW: Now do you mean Cherry cake or cherry filling or cherry frosting or….
YWC: Cherry cake…or filling maybe?
BW: We don’t make cherry cake or cherry filling.
YWC: Oh..well maybe…
BW: We can do a cherry frosting.
YWC: Can you do a cream cheese frosting.
BW: Yes, we can do cream cheese or butter.
YWC: Cream cheese, but not cherry. I ‘d rather have a chocolate frosting. I was hoping to do a cherry cake with a chocolate frosting.
BW: We don’t make cherry cake.
YWC: (nodding) What flavors do you have?
BW: (Pointing to the book—looking annoyed) Chocolate, vanilla, pistachio and lemon…and carrot.
YWC: Wow, that’s odd, you make pistachio, but not cherry.
BW: (stares)
YWC: (Mulling over the choices)Oh! (Remembering) can you put a layer of pudding in-between two layers of cake?
BW: Yes
YWC: Well then, I think I have an idea. I’d like vanilla cake with a layer of chocolate pudding in the middle and chocolate cream cheese frosting.
BW: (Scribbling), What size?
YWC: There will be 20 people approximately, what size cake would that be?
BW: (pointing to the binder again) I’d get a 16 inch round or an 8 by 10 square, unless you want to have leftovers?
YWC: Leftovers?
BW: Lot’s of people like to plan to have leftovers.
YWC: I don’t want to have leftovers.
IB: I like leftovers. ( Calls a voice from behind them)
BW and YWC: (turning and staring at a man holding a loaf of bread)
IB: Sorry (Sheepishly putting the bread in his cart and slowly rolling away)
YWC: No leftovers.(turning back towards the BW) I’d like the 8 by 10.
BW: Ok, What do you want on top of the cake?
YWC: You mean design-wise?
BW: Yes.
YWC: Well, (looking around left and right and leaning in)you do custom orders right?
BW: I’m not putting a penis on your cake. (Monotone)
YWC: (Stunned) I…
BW: You want me to put a penis on your cake and I’m not going to do it.
YWC: I…actually yes, I…
BW: Thought it would be hilarious to put a penis on a cake for your friend’s bachelorette party?
YWC: It was just an idea…
BW: That you and your friends had one night while sipping cranberry daiquiri’s in your hot tub?
YWC: (Starting to get upset) NO! Well… yes, but…
BW: I’m not putting a penis on your cake.
YWC: Why not?
BW: Listen cherry, if I had to make a penis cake every time one you young 20-somethings got married I’d be up to my neck in frosted privates. I work for a living and I don’t need that kind of daily stress. If I wanted to draw nudes I’d of gotten a degree in painting. I’m a baker, not Delphin Enjolras. Now take a look at this book you like to ignore so much and pick a nice quaint design that expresses how damn happy you are for your best (with air-quotes and scrunched up face) friend. Why does your generation feel the need to whip out their ya-ya’s every-time they want to commemorate an occasion?
YWC: (Ignoring the question) Now you wait a minute. If you don’t want to do it then I’ll have someone else do it…(Exasperated)
BW: (Back to monotone)I’m the boss here cherry. You’re not getting a penis on your cake.
YWC: What ever happen to the customers always right and your way right away?
BW: Well, let me tell you that after 21 years of customer service, that the customer is seldom right and this is not McDonalds.
IB: Burger King (Calls a soft voice from behind them)
YWC and BW: (Turning and staring at the same man as before who now holds a baguette)
YWC: What?
IB: Your way right away is the Burger King slogan, not McDonalds’.
YWC and BW: (Staring)
IB: Sorry (He puts the baguette in his cart and slowly rolls away.)
YWC: (turning back to the BW) Well if you don’t want to make the cake, I’ll go somewhere else.
BW: That’s your choice.
YWC: Fine
BW: Fine
YWC: (Flustered, storms off)
BW: (After watching the YWC leave, turn’s to a young man who is looking at cakes in the display case.) Can I help you?
Man: Yes, Do you make custom cakes for Bachelor parties?
Lest you think me the worst sort of pseudo-intellectual
I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that an egg omelette with dill and chives is tits. I don't mean it's literally tits, like "I am eating mammary glands and they are delicious, because I enjoy sublimated cannibalism and that's why I'm a practicing Catholic." Shit, there I go again. Look, just put some dill and chives in your next omelette, you'll kiss God.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Here we are now, entertain us
An acquaintance of mine recently said of the upcoming Avatar sequel, "James Cameron says it would be a shame to not use all the unused material from the first film... yeah, and it would be a shame not to make all that money, right Cameron?!" Immediately, others chimed in and the consensus was clear: James Cameron is a bastard for wanting to give people a sequel to what is now the highest-grossing film of all time, and as a collective, we are personally inconvenienced by films making money.
It's interesting to me that in general, we don't apply this sort of benchmark to other professions. When our construction worker buddy talks about how much he loves his job, we don't roll our eyes and say "yeah, and I bet you love all those sweet paychecks, too!" We don't write Facebook updates excoriating the mercenary greed of the daycare owner or the freelance graphic designer. The successful pop singer or actor, however, surely cannot pursue their chosen profession out of love -- not if they're also getting paid for it, the rats.
Is it the sheer amount of money that puts us off and hems us into baring our teeth at Hollywood? Or, somewhere in our heart of hearts, do we feel big-budget filmmakers, who spend hundreds of millions making a movie, should also be altruists who hate money, the fuel for the engine that drives their careers and their artistic endeavors? One gets the feeling that between helming massive technology-driven films, directors should retire to the mountains of Tibet and contemplate the cypresses in the garden.
Now, if one is not entertained, that might justify shelling out hard dough with the left hand even as you lift the right to smite your tormentor. We as Americans tend to have a love-hate relationship with our entertainment. We seek out the most interminable dross on cable, flipping through channels until we light upon the least objectionable thing we can possibly tolerate, and proceed to endure it like Alex undergoing the Ludovico Technique.
Geeks in particular love to dismantle their entertainment products, poking holes until only the rattiest framework remains. Criticism and fan rage become a means of engaging with the material. Ever wonder why you see so many lengthy blog posts and videos criticizing, in excruciating detail, material the writer supposedly hates? Because hating it is how they enjoy it.
But none of this explains why we turn up our noses in disdain at the successful Hollywood product. Perhaps because the gigantic piles of money remind us that the movie business is just that; a remorseless, grinding machine that occasionally produces things of beauty and resonance, but will also lob those things at us like stones until we can take it no more. Hollywood will entertain us, grudgingly, but like a feral dog, it will turn on us without warning. And so we defend ourselves with derision, praying for the day when artists no longer have to eat.
It's interesting to me that in general, we don't apply this sort of benchmark to other professions. When our construction worker buddy talks about how much he loves his job, we don't roll our eyes and say "yeah, and I bet you love all those sweet paychecks, too!" We don't write Facebook updates excoriating the mercenary greed of the daycare owner or the freelance graphic designer. The successful pop singer or actor, however, surely cannot pursue their chosen profession out of love -- not if they're also getting paid for it, the rats.
Is it the sheer amount of money that puts us off and hems us into baring our teeth at Hollywood? Or, somewhere in our heart of hearts, do we feel big-budget filmmakers, who spend hundreds of millions making a movie, should also be altruists who hate money, the fuel for the engine that drives their careers and their artistic endeavors? One gets the feeling that between helming massive technology-driven films, directors should retire to the mountains of Tibet and contemplate the cypresses in the garden.
Now, if one is not entertained, that might justify shelling out hard dough with the left hand even as you lift the right to smite your tormentor. We as Americans tend to have a love-hate relationship with our entertainment. We seek out the most interminable dross on cable, flipping through channels until we light upon the least objectionable thing we can possibly tolerate, and proceed to endure it like Alex undergoing the Ludovico Technique.
Geeks in particular love to dismantle their entertainment products, poking holes until only the rattiest framework remains. Criticism and fan rage become a means of engaging with the material. Ever wonder why you see so many lengthy blog posts and videos criticizing, in excruciating detail, material the writer supposedly hates? Because hating it is how they enjoy it.
But none of this explains why we turn up our noses in disdain at the successful Hollywood product. Perhaps because the gigantic piles of money remind us that the movie business is just that; a remorseless, grinding machine that occasionally produces things of beauty and resonance, but will also lob those things at us like stones until we can take it no more. Hollywood will entertain us, grudgingly, but like a feral dog, it will turn on us without warning. And so we defend ourselves with derision, praying for the day when artists no longer have to eat.
Monday, January 25, 2010
The motion of the ocean, and other ideologically flawed mumblings
I see many of my close friends, and people of my generation, haunted by the specter of materialist guilt. There seems to be this prevailing notion that money is evil, materialism is a shallow placebo, and consumer culture, as my history professor liked to put it, is "headed off a cliff."
The irony, of course, being that these same people want for relatively little, materially. They live comfortably, eat well, are in good health, and spend their off hours entertaining themselves with highly technology-oriented pastimes. So does this critique of crass materialism constitute a form of self-loathing, or is the enlightened existence of the gewgaw-free Luddite a Platonic form to aspire to -- or, even less flattering, something those troublesome "other people" should embrace on our behalf? (I've got mine. You give up yours. You know, for the Earth!)
But that last bit is too uncharitable a read. Perhaps we feel guilty because we have plenty, and we feel unworthy because so much of the rest of the world has so little. And so we feel guilty because we care. Not enough to really do anything about it, of course -- maybe we give a few bucks to a charity if we find them worthy of our leavings, but as far as giving of our time and ourselves you can forget it -- but we feel just bad enough to prevent ourselves from enjoying the plastic shit we just spent our entire work week plugging away to buy. What's the motivation? What are we trying to prove, and to whom are we trying to prove it?
Does the young American, disillusioned with consumer culture, sell off all his stuff and live a monkish existence, surrounded by only the bare walls, sitting lotus-style with fingers pressed to thumbs and muttering a Spartan OM to the gods of sustainable living? Idealistic, to be sure, but doubtful. I know one fellow who does this, and he is regarded by his friends as unsettlingly hardcore, teetering on the brink of madness. Most of us don't live in that universe. We have to drive to work, and replace our blue jeans when they get holes, and shell out for a phone so we can call our mothers on their birthdays. This isn't Tibet, and chances are we're not out for enlightenment, only satisfaction. It's time to stop lamenting our comforts.
As with most things, it's not the tool, but what you choose to do with it. We live in a culture where so much is built for us. Our gadgets become a form of self-identification: I'm a Mac. I'm a PC. My iPhone is my life. These things are hunks of plastic; of course life seems empty when you try to map your soul onto them. Unless you helped develop your cell phone, you have no reason to be proud. This is America, and in general, anyone can buy shit. Buy your things. Love your things. Don't try to become your things. Technology is neither good nor evil -- it's the purpose to which you set it that matters. Set it to no purpose, and life will seem purposeless.
If you want to feel good about your life and your place in American consumer culture, build something. It doesn't have to be profound, or world-changing, or even well-done. It's easy to tear things down, criticize, poke holes. These are, in fact, the easiest things in the world; for the clever, they require no effort, and no risk. You lose nothing at all by dismissing the work of others. Rejectionism is boring. Throwing away all your belongings probably isn't the answer, although throwing away the shit you genuinely don't want anymore is probably a good start. We are living in the 21st century, in the midst of a dizzying technological revolution: the post-information-scarcity society. We have the tools. We have the technology. We can rebuild the world.
The irony, of course, being that these same people want for relatively little, materially. They live comfortably, eat well, are in good health, and spend their off hours entertaining themselves with highly technology-oriented pastimes. So does this critique of crass materialism constitute a form of self-loathing, or is the enlightened existence of the gewgaw-free Luddite a Platonic form to aspire to -- or, even less flattering, something those troublesome "other people" should embrace on our behalf? (I've got mine. You give up yours. You know, for the Earth!)
But that last bit is too uncharitable a read. Perhaps we feel guilty because we have plenty, and we feel unworthy because so much of the rest of the world has so little. And so we feel guilty because we care. Not enough to really do anything about it, of course -- maybe we give a few bucks to a charity if we find them worthy of our leavings, but as far as giving of our time and ourselves you can forget it -- but we feel just bad enough to prevent ourselves from enjoying the plastic shit we just spent our entire work week plugging away to buy. What's the motivation? What are we trying to prove, and to whom are we trying to prove it?
Does the young American, disillusioned with consumer culture, sell off all his stuff and live a monkish existence, surrounded by only the bare walls, sitting lotus-style with fingers pressed to thumbs and muttering a Spartan OM to the gods of sustainable living? Idealistic, to be sure, but doubtful. I know one fellow who does this, and he is regarded by his friends as unsettlingly hardcore, teetering on the brink of madness. Most of us don't live in that universe. We have to drive to work, and replace our blue jeans when they get holes, and shell out for a phone so we can call our mothers on their birthdays. This isn't Tibet, and chances are we're not out for enlightenment, only satisfaction. It's time to stop lamenting our comforts.
As with most things, it's not the tool, but what you choose to do with it. We live in a culture where so much is built for us. Our gadgets become a form of self-identification: I'm a Mac. I'm a PC. My iPhone is my life. These things are hunks of plastic; of course life seems empty when you try to map your soul onto them. Unless you helped develop your cell phone, you have no reason to be proud. This is America, and in general, anyone can buy shit. Buy your things. Love your things. Don't try to become your things. Technology is neither good nor evil -- it's the purpose to which you set it that matters. Set it to no purpose, and life will seem purposeless.
If you want to feel good about your life and your place in American consumer culture, build something. It doesn't have to be profound, or world-changing, or even well-done. It's easy to tear things down, criticize, poke holes. These are, in fact, the easiest things in the world; for the clever, they require no effort, and no risk. You lose nothing at all by dismissing the work of others. Rejectionism is boring. Throwing away all your belongings probably isn't the answer, although throwing away the shit you genuinely don't want anymore is probably a good start. We are living in the 21st century, in the midst of a dizzying technological revolution: the post-information-scarcity society. We have the tools. We have the technology. We can rebuild the world.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Let's..go..fly..a kite...
Morrison here,
How come you never see anyone flying a kite in the winter? Do kites not fly in the winter? Does the wind not blow in the winter? Some will say, It's too cold to fly a kite in the winter Morrison". But, then how do you explain down hill skiing, snowshoeing, football games and polar plunges into arctic-temperature rivers. Beer? Perhaps in the case downhill skiing and snowshoeing, but at a football game? Never.
No, there is a deeper reason why we don't fly kites in the winter. And I want to know it. But I can't find it on Google. So, I'm going to ask you to find it for me. Tell me the reason you never see anyone flying a kite in the winter. I'll make it worth your while. Hint Hint.
Morrision out
How come you never see anyone flying a kite in the winter? Do kites not fly in the winter? Does the wind not blow in the winter? Some will say, It's too cold to fly a kite in the winter Morrison". But, then how do you explain down hill skiing, snowshoeing, football games and polar plunges into arctic-temperature rivers. Beer? Perhaps in the case downhill skiing and snowshoeing, but at a football game? Never.
No, there is a deeper reason why we don't fly kites in the winter. And I want to know it. But I can't find it on Google. So, I'm going to ask you to find it for me. Tell me the reason you never see anyone flying a kite in the winter. I'll make it worth your while. Hint Hint.
Morrision out
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Crucifixion of the Toast
Morrison here,
I don't understand Art. That's not to say I don't like art, because I do. I like it very much. I just can't explain why I like some kinds of art and not others. I don't think I'm alone here. I think a majority of the worlds population can be moved emotionally by art with out understanding why--or perhaps even caring why.
I don't understand religions. That's not to say I don't like religions, because I do. I like them very much. I just can't explain why I like some kinds of religions and not others. I don't think I'm alone here. I think a majority of the worlds population can be moved emotionally by religion without understanding why--or perhaps even caring why.
Now with that in mind, I'd like you to feast your eyes on this.
It's an artist's interpretation of the Crucifixion--in toast. Yep, burnt toast.
Adam Sheldon, 33, designed the unique piece of art six months ago at the request of his mother who worships at the Anglican Church of St Peter, in Great Limber, Lincolnshire.
Using his toaster, Adam burned every piece of bread before drying each piece out and flattening them so they were ready to be positioned in a giant frame.He then spent hours scraping the toast with a knife to create the lighter parts of the image, such as Christ's halo, and a blow torch to create darker patches.
If you can say anything about the people from Lincolnshire, it's that they are very creative. I wonder if he glued it together with marmite?
And if your thinking that this must be the only toasted portrait in the world, think again and a-fix your gaze yonder down the screen.
Yep, that is the Mona Lisa in toast, created in 1983 by Adhiko Okawa. He created his masterpiece a little differently form the Lincolnshire artist. Okawa created this edible work (OK semi-edible work) by etching the picture on aluminum foil, wrapping each piece of toast in a section of foil, cutting out the design, then toasting it in a horizontal toaster.
I think I'm going to file this post under, "People who have more time than me".
Morrison out.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A-Team: The Movie
Morrison here,
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’'t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the… A-Team.
I love the disclaimer: 'If you can find them'. What do you mean if you can find them? Follow the explosions and look for people that have been shot at with 100s of rounds of ammunition--but somehow missed. Or look for the trail of folks crawling out of their previously airborne-exploded vehicles; unscathed. It must have been bittersweet to have been an actor portraying a bad guy in an A-team movie. You knew your character would never die, so in the back of your mind you're always wondering..."will they bring my character back? Maybe my character will join the team and be the new demolitions expert. Everyone's getting sick of Murdock anyways. Stupid Murdock." Or maybe not.
I refuse to comment on whether or not this movie should have been made other than to say that, "This is Freaking Awesome!".
Morrison out.
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’'t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the… A-Team.
I love the disclaimer: 'If you can find them'. What do you mean if you can find them? Follow the explosions and look for people that have been shot at with 100s of rounds of ammunition--but somehow missed. Or look for the trail of folks crawling out of their previously airborne-exploded vehicles; unscathed. It must have been bittersweet to have been an actor portraying a bad guy in an A-team movie. You knew your character would never die, so in the back of your mind you're always wondering..."will they bring my character back? Maybe my character will join the team and be the new demolitions expert. Everyone's getting sick of Murdock anyways. Stupid Murdock." Or maybe not.
I refuse to comment on whether or not this movie should have been made other than to say that, "This is Freaking Awesome!".
Morrison out.
I'm Sorry Twitter
Morrison here,
I've been sharing stories that I feel are interesting and often quirky. I'm doing it mostly to pass time, but also to share the odd and crazy world that is the internet with other folks that have similar interests. I've been using Twitter to reach out to those folks who might have similar interests because, well, that's what twitter is great for--among other things. But, it seems that I followed one too many people at a time. The result, my account was banned. Or canceled. I don't have it anymore. I don't know if the folks at Twitter are going to allow me to have my account back. But, it was an honest mistake and, of course, I'll never do it again if they give me the chance. But out of something bad can come something educational. So follow this link to the Twitter Rules and read it thoroughly. Otherwise you too might cease to exist. At least on Twitter.
Morrison out.
I've been sharing stories that I feel are interesting and often quirky. I'm doing it mostly to pass time, but also to share the odd and crazy world that is the internet with other folks that have similar interests. I've been using Twitter to reach out to those folks who might have similar interests because, well, that's what twitter is great for--among other things. But, it seems that I followed one too many people at a time. The result, my account was banned. Or canceled. I don't have it anymore. I don't know if the folks at Twitter are going to allow me to have my account back. But, it was an honest mistake and, of course, I'll never do it again if they give me the chance. But out of something bad can come something educational. So follow this link to the Twitter Rules and read it thoroughly. Otherwise you too might cease to exist. At least on Twitter.
Morrison out.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Gumbi has left the building.
In 1953, a man named Art Clokey (along with his wife Ruth), coerced small lumps of clay in and out of shapes and figures. He captured the whole process in stop motion photography and created a short 3-minute film. Meant as a parody of Disney’s Fantasia, Clokey set the whole works to music and named it Gumbasia. This surreal film would later act as the catalyst for the creation of the legendary character Gumbi. Gumbi and his horse-friend Pokey appear in 233 episodes. That’s a lot of stop and motion.
Art Clokey died Friday at his home in Los Osos, Calif., at the age of 88.
Art Clokey died Friday at his home in Los Osos, Calif., at the age of 88.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Are You Passionate about Neoprene?
Morrison here,
If you answered yes to the question contained in the title of this blog post, then you will most assuredly want to contact Tune Belt, Inc. and apply for a job. Never heard of them? Don't feel bad, there are lots of companies you've never heard of. Tune Belt, Inc
If you can't find the phone number for Tune Belt, Inc, fear not, you can catch up with them at the 2010 International Consumer Electronics Show (CES) which is going on right now in Las Vegas Nevada. CES is exactly what the name implies, a showcase of all the latest and greatest gadgets. I assume the only requirement to have your product featured at CES is that it must have a short, predetermined life-span and be completely unrepairable.
Besides the slew of must have/will break, tech gadgets spotlight-pedestaled about the confines of the CES Convention Center you are also ensured to run into many stars of stage, screen, sports and comics. You'll be fascinated to know that Lady Gaga will be in attendance along with Stan Lee (Marvel Comic Books), Drew Carey, James Worthy (NBA Legend) and of course Garfield. Ton's of other celebs will also be on hand to talk about their favorite products.
Despite my bad attitude I am interested in CES because of the Emerging Technology Catagory. It's fun to look around and see what new and interesting consumer technology young, new, high-tech businesses have come up with. And CES is showcasing everything from neoprene to biometrics to robotics. So there is a lot to peruse. But I still wish a start up would make the bold move and create a consumer electronic device that didn't have to be tossed in the trash every time a button broke. Call me crazy.
Morrision out.
If you answered yes to the question contained in the title of this blog post, then you will most assuredly want to contact Tune Belt, Inc. and apply for a job. Never heard of them? Don't feel bad, there are lots of companies you've never heard of. Tune Belt, Inc
is the original and passionate creator of armbands and other neoprene carriers for iPods, iPhones, smartphones and other portable electronic devices. Tune Belt doesn't just make holders - it offers innovative carrier solutions that provide unmatched comfort, convenience and protection.Sounds exciting doesn't it. I bet their office parties are off the hiz-ook with all that unmatched passion flying around.
If you can't find the phone number for Tune Belt, Inc, fear not, you can catch up with them at the 2010 International Consumer Electronics Show (CES) which is going on right now in Las Vegas Nevada. CES is exactly what the name implies, a showcase of all the latest and greatest gadgets. I assume the only requirement to have your product featured at CES is that it must have a short, predetermined life-span and be completely unrepairable.
Besides the slew of must have/will break, tech gadgets spotlight-pedestaled about the confines of the CES Convention Center you are also ensured to run into many stars of stage, screen, sports and comics. You'll be fascinated to know that Lady Gaga will be in attendance along with Stan Lee (Marvel Comic Books), Drew Carey, James Worthy (NBA Legend) and of course Garfield. Ton's of other celebs will also be on hand to talk about their favorite products.
Despite my bad attitude I am interested in CES because of the Emerging Technology Catagory. It's fun to look around and see what new and interesting consumer technology young, new, high-tech businesses have come up with. And CES is showcasing everything from neoprene to biometrics to robotics. So there is a lot to peruse. But I still wish a start up would make the bold move and create a consumer electronic device that didn't have to be tossed in the trash every time a button broke. Call me crazy.
Morrision out.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Mirado Black Warrior
Morrison here,
Just about every Sunday at 8pm I get together with a group of friends. We mostly sit around the table, poke fun at the past weeks current events and pop culture, we play games and generally laugh. There may or may not be beer involved. About a year ago, before settling into a game, I asked around the table for a pencil. My buddy pulled out a freshly sharpened, sleek jobby with a pristine pink eraser. It was jet black and glistened in the volcanically, fluorescent lights of the basement. I took it from his hands and marveled at it. Knowingly he, nodded his head in silence as if to say, "Oh, yeah. That's right." He then muttered three words in a tone of superiority, "Mirado Black Warrior". Which, is not the name of a new Peter Jackson film, but rather the name of the pencil. As the last year has gone by, I never missed out on an oppurtunity to borrow a pencil from my buddy. And hey if it slips into my pocket on the way home...such it life. But, the last few Sundays there have been no Mirado Black Warriors! It seems Walgreens is plum out. So my only option obviously was to google the darn thing to see where I could get some of my own.
But Morrison, it's just a pencil right. Well, maybe. In the same way that a Ferrari is just a car, or a Rolex is just a watch. And I could go on and tell you all about it, in great and glorious detail, but I don't have to.
Because this guy did.
And in case you're wondering what one might write about a pencil, here's an excerpt:
Just about every Sunday at 8pm I get together with a group of friends. We mostly sit around the table, poke fun at the past weeks current events and pop culture, we play games and generally laugh. There may or may not be beer involved. About a year ago, before settling into a game, I asked around the table for a pencil. My buddy pulled out a freshly sharpened, sleek jobby with a pristine pink eraser. It was jet black and glistened in the volcanically, fluorescent lights of the basement. I took it from his hands and marveled at it. Knowingly he, nodded his head in silence as if to say, "Oh, yeah. That's right." He then muttered three words in a tone of superiority, "Mirado Black Warrior". Which, is not the name of a new Peter Jackson film, but rather the name of the pencil. As the last year has gone by, I never missed out on an oppurtunity to borrow a pencil from my buddy. And hey if it slips into my pocket on the way home...such it life. But, the last few Sundays there have been no Mirado Black Warriors! It seems Walgreens is plum out. So my only option obviously was to google the darn thing to see where I could get some of my own.
But Morrison, it's just a pencil right. Well, maybe. In the same way that a Ferrari is just a car, or a Rolex is just a watch. And I could go on and tell you all about it, in great and glorious detail, but I don't have to.
Because this guy did.
And in case you're wondering what one might write about a pencil, here's an excerpt:
"Of course, the Black Warrior smells heavenly because of its cedar construction, and sharpening a rounded wooden pencil is a breeze with any quality sharpener. And there are always some times that a very sharp and light-marking pencil is exactly the tool for the job, such as writing in precious LOA volumes. Still, with the softest grade, one can enjoy the smoothness and the darkness of a fine American pencil."
Morrison out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
