Morrison here,
The world is a vampire. I didn't make this up, the guy from that Halloween band did. Who knows who he stole it from. Regardless, he was pretty much right on. And the harder I try to shed a little sunshine on the thin, pale face of this raging monster we call the world, the more I want to draw the shades, nail the doors shut, hide out in the basement with a Humvee full of canned goods and the remaining Zelazny novels I've been saving to read while waiting nervously for the credits to roll. Sound grim? Maybe.
But, maybe not. Maybe its just reality. Maybe the world wasn't made to shed light on. Maybe the population isn't supposed to have a fair shake. Maybe...maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe the world isn't a vampire at all. Maybe I am.
Maybe, I'm asking too much. Whoops, lets try that again. Maybe, I'm asking too much. Shoot, one more time. Maybe, I'm asking too much. OK, close enough. Maybe I'm demanding too much from the world. It could be after all. I did get a liberal education and we all know that liberals are purely hell bent on saving the world! Or at least the people on the world. I always considered myself a bit of a Locke but I'm starting to wonder if I'm more of a Hobbe's. Or Perhaps it's just gas.
Regardless, I believe its time for me to think smaller. To close my mind to outside influences and to draw more power into my inner circle. The one that really matters. The one I really care about. Because lets face it. When the power goes out. None of you even exist.
Morrison out.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
I Buy all my Stay-Brite Silver Bearing Solder at Amazon.
Morrison here,
I've been obsessed with Amazon.com lately. And by lately I mean the last 6 months. You see, my boss is addicted to Amazon.com. He orders nearly everything at Amazon. This caused me to take off into the interworld to see what could be seen. And after much searching I'm thinking that shopping at Amazon might be the smartest thing an impulse shopper can do. Because you can save a ton of money on Amazon. You don't believe me? Then check out this package of HA Sta-brite 1/8" silver bearing solder. It retails for $149,998.50! Yours for only $125,999.00!
You: What?!
Me: Solder.
You: How Much?
Me: $125,999.
You: $125,999 (exasperated)
Me: Yeah, and its a steal because your saving nearly $25,000!
You: I don't believe it.
Me: Believe it
Now, I know what your thinking.
You: Yeah, sure. They have really great prices on solder, but what about crystal chandeliers? I bet they don't have decent prices on crystal chandeliers.
Me: Boosh!
You: That was just pure dumb luck. Let's see, I bet they don't have decent prices on a Justrite Yellow Gator Outdoor Spill Containment Caddy for a 30 or 55 Gallon Drum!
Me: Only $696,236.60 and I'm pretty sure they will deliver it for free!
You: Looking around the room for inspiration..oh, oh (because making those sounds will help?) how about a Core Cut Curb Cutting Rider Saw? No way they have that.
Me: Wroooooooong. (nice illiteration though)
You: (Pacing the room for a few moments rubbing your hands together, until slowly you mutter) How about an Anchor Height Adjustable Free-Standing Ladder Access System!
Me:(smiling) $43,580.60--would you like that with or without the ladder?
You: (mouth agap)
Me: Give up yet?
You: Not even close (clenching fists).
You: (slowly circling the room) Ok, How about an LED Bench?
Me: A what:
You: (you stop in mid-step, your eyes widen, a smile graces your face) AN LED BENCH!
Me: Hrmmm.
You: They don't have one! (triumphant)
Me: Wait, do you mean the never before seen item that features 288 white LEDs inside, emitting light on both sides. The one that is an actual bench to sit on, not a light sculpture. You mean the one designed by Ingo Maurer, made in Germany with a height: of 15 3/4" (40 cm), a Width of 19 5/8" (50 cm) and a Length of 78 7/8" (200 cm) made of laminated glass?
You: (eyes starting to well up) Do...they...have...that? (meakly)
Me:(softly, almost apologetic) Yes, yes they do.
Me: (pause)
You: (staring at me)
Me: Look, maybe we should just...
You: A Milwaukee 8925 15 Gallon 1-1/3 Horsepower Blower Wet/Dry Vacuum!?
Me: Yes
You: A JW Fishers SeaLion ROV!!?
Me: Yep
You: A Golden King DPS Plus Metal Detector!!!?
Me: Um, yup
You: A Velocity Micro Edge Lx555 Black Desktop PC!!!!?
Me: Yes, but I hear it didn't get a very good review.
You: A Queen Anne Cast Iron Table Base!!!!!?
Me: (starting to feel sorry this conversation started) Yes, for $1,764,704.12. Shipping's about 4 grand
You: (huffing and puffing) How about an Intercomp 16065 MS450 Mining Scale for loads up to 750,000 lbs!!!!!!?
Me: Yes, (getting nervous) Hey, how about we just forget...
You: No! Do they have a...
Random guy sub one: Hey! Are you guys done in there I really have to go.
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry. (flushing sound-coming out of the stall) Sorry (to random guy sub one)
You: This isn't over Morrision. I can't even go back to work now.I'm going to get a Whiskey (your voice trails as you leave through the door).
Me: Hrmmm....Well how do you like that? Amazon doesn't sell whiskey.
Morrison out
I've been obsessed with Amazon.com lately. And by lately I mean the last 6 months. You see, my boss is addicted to Amazon.com. He orders nearly everything at Amazon. This caused me to take off into the interworld to see what could be seen. And after much searching I'm thinking that shopping at Amazon might be the smartest thing an impulse shopper can do. Because you can save a ton of money on Amazon. You don't believe me? Then check out this package of HA Sta-brite 1/8" silver bearing solder. It retails for $149,998.50! Yours for only $125,999.00!
You: What?!
Me: Solder.
You: How Much?
Me: $125,999.
You: $125,999 (exasperated)
Me: Yeah, and its a steal because your saving nearly $25,000!
You: I don't believe it.
Me: Believe it
Now, I know what your thinking.
You: Yeah, sure. They have really great prices on solder, but what about crystal chandeliers? I bet they don't have decent prices on crystal chandeliers.
Me: Boosh!
You: That was just pure dumb luck. Let's see, I bet they don't have decent prices on a Justrite Yellow Gator Outdoor Spill Containment Caddy for a 30 or 55 Gallon Drum!
Me: Only $696,236.60 and I'm pretty sure they will deliver it for free!
You: Looking around the room for inspiration..oh, oh (because making those sounds will help?) how about a Core Cut Curb Cutting Rider Saw? No way they have that.
Me: Wroooooooong. (nice illiteration though)
You: (Pacing the room for a few moments rubbing your hands together, until slowly you mutter) How about an Anchor Height Adjustable Free-Standing Ladder Access System!
Me:(smiling) $43,580.60--would you like that with or without the ladder?
You: (mouth agap)
Me: Give up yet?
You: Not even close (clenching fists).
You: (slowly circling the room) Ok, How about an LED Bench?
Me: A what:
You: (you stop in mid-step, your eyes widen, a smile graces your face) AN LED BENCH!
Me: Hrmmm.
You: They don't have one! (triumphant)
Me: Wait, do you mean the never before seen item that features 288 white LEDs inside, emitting light on both sides. The one that is an actual bench to sit on, not a light sculpture. You mean the one designed by Ingo Maurer, made in Germany with a height: of 15 3/4" (40 cm), a Width of 19 5/8" (50 cm) and a Length of 78 7/8" (200 cm) made of laminated glass?
You: (eyes starting to well up) Do...they...have...that? (meakly)
Me:(softly, almost apologetic) Yes, yes they do.
Me: (pause)
You: (staring at me)
Me: Look, maybe we should just...
You: A Milwaukee 8925 15 Gallon 1-1/3 Horsepower Blower Wet/Dry Vacuum!?
Me: Yes
You: A JW Fishers SeaLion ROV!!?
Me: Yep
You: A Golden King DPS Plus Metal Detector!!!?
Me: Um, yup
You: A Velocity Micro Edge Lx555 Black Desktop PC!!!!?
Me: Yes, but I hear it didn't get a very good review.
You: A Queen Anne Cast Iron Table Base!!!!!?
Me: (starting to feel sorry this conversation started) Yes, for $1,764,704.12. Shipping's about 4 grand
You: (huffing and puffing) How about an Intercomp 16065 MS450 Mining Scale for loads up to 750,000 lbs!!!!!!?
Me: Yes, (getting nervous) Hey, how about we just forget...
You: No! Do they have a...
Random guy sub one: Hey! Are you guys done in there I really have to go.
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry. (flushing sound-coming out of the stall) Sorry (to random guy sub one)
You: This isn't over Morrision. I can't even go back to work now.I'm going to get a Whiskey (your voice trails as you leave through the door).
Me: Hrmmm....Well how do you like that? Amazon doesn't sell whiskey.
Morrison out
Friday, March 5, 2010
Smurfy New Movie
La, La, La, La, La...Morrison here,
People who were kids in the eighties I have an announcement for you. They are making a movie about Smurfs. Who is they? I don't know and I'm too lazy to look it up. And would you really care anyways? Nobody pays attention to who MAKES the movies, we only care about who is IN the movie. Stanley Kubrick could make the damn Smurf Movie, that still wouldn't stop 98 percent of the people from exiting the theater--ignoring the credits--with popcorn stained grins, squinting against the orange sun while muttering phrases like, "I liked that part where" or "that was so funny when" or "I can't believe that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel!?" Oh, did I mention that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel?
Ok, Ok, don't get your mushrooms in a bunch, he hasn't really been cast as Gargamel...officially. But some reports do say that the movie will be part live action, part animation. And who better to have as the hapless, evil wizard than Dr. Horrible himself (Neil Patrick they love you!). In addition to Mr. Patrick playing Gargamel (not official), four of the main voice cast members have been revealed, as well as a rough draft of a smurf from the film.
Morrision Out.
People who were kids in the eighties I have an announcement for you. They are making a movie about Smurfs. Who is they? I don't know and I'm too lazy to look it up. And would you really care anyways? Nobody pays attention to who MAKES the movies, we only care about who is IN the movie. Stanley Kubrick could make the damn Smurf Movie, that still wouldn't stop 98 percent of the people from exiting the theater--ignoring the credits--with popcorn stained grins, squinting against the orange sun while muttering phrases like, "I liked that part where" or "that was so funny when" or "I can't believe that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel!?" Oh, did I mention that Neil Patrick Harris was cast as Gargamel?
Ok, Ok, don't get your mushrooms in a bunch, he hasn't really been cast as Gargamel...officially. But some reports do say that the movie will be part live action, part animation. And who better to have as the hapless, evil wizard than Dr. Horrible himself (Neil Patrick they love you!). In addition to Mr. Patrick playing Gargamel (not official), four of the main voice cast members have been revealed, as well as a rough draft of a smurf from the film.
Jonathan Winters, George Lopez, Katy Perry and Alan Cumming will voice Papa Smurf, Grouchy Smurf, Smurfette, and Gusty Smurf respectfully. Fans of the 80’s Smurfs series will appreciate Winters coming back to the smufs, as he voiced multiple characters on the long-running Hanna-Barbera series.Um, Gusty Smurf? I'm sorry, I know I was probably in a fruit loops induced coma most of the time I was watching the Smurfs, but I don't remember Gusty Smurf. But, I'm not really sure who Alan Cumming is either so that should work out just fine. Smurfs. Whats next. A movie about those Smurfing ripoff, little underwater bastards that lived in sea-shells?
Morrision Out.
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